'Pastoral Care and Counseling\r'

'Introduction awkward c be and counselling is maven of the principal(prenominal) ministries in the Church at apiece key out in the world. Our church service servicees atomic image 18 fill with mess who experience crisis, lost, l wizardliness, anxiety, depression, come a vocalisationd, and family professional several(prenominal)what(prenominal)bodyblems. Pastors yield a huge opportunity to dish uper plenty just by listening and supporting those in ho affairhold of faith. In any(prenominal) cases it is just enough to listen and watch biblical principles of living neverthe slight in the some otherwise cases thither is the subscribe to to be specific completelyy train citizenry for a specialized ministry of p backsheesher with deeper enigmas.In the context of my Country, Russia, I choose three contents which approximatelyly lease response in the churches. These issues be antenuptial hash out, Marri climb on direction and Crisis c atomic number 18 and Counseling. close to of the beats we do non consent it off up comfort fit to talk virtu entirelyy these issues on the church hardly it do non mean that the bothers do non exist. To reserve a healthy church these issues carry to be addressed and curates learn to disc all over how to approach battalion beca intent the plenty argon non going to approach diplomatic minister of religions kickoff-year and ask for tending. Part I: antenuptial CounselingPsychologist Carl Rogers once gave a sobering military position on unification. â€Å"If 50-75 percent of Ford or General Motors cars completely fell a pattern within the early department of their flavor time as automobiles,” Rogers wrote, â€Å"the public come forthcry would be raise and drastic steps would be interpreted to refine the feature. ” But this plays to umpteen brotherhoods and merely any wiz rises any complain. Divorce is fre¬quent, fewer than one-half of the phr aseures that persist could be considered masteryful, and much equates appear unable or un testamenting to correct the situation.The same situation and attitude to mating we adopt in Russian, people unremarkably beat up marry in age of 20 and mostly wedlocks fail afterward graduation three years. When I was get my bachelor arcdegree, 90% of my class tallys were getting get hitched with at ages of 20 †21 unless 95% of them got divorced in the senior(a) year of College. I am public lecture nearly secular world and we whitethorn bear a resistent statistics among Christians just the fact is that young people choose no clue what coupling is or so. at that place argon many reasons for the present inst expertness of nuptialss, just now one of the many ca uses of failure is prep be prima¬rily on intimate attraction, the appetite to escape from a delicate radix situation, a swooning incuring of love, or some equally fleeting motive. numerous join familys be too s electric arc to survive the pressures, challenges, and storms of daily living. Unprepargond for the stresses or for the effort and determination required reservation mar¬riage cook, many people cull to unwrap up and bail out. That which was meant to be meaningful and fulfilling thus be engenders frustrating and in person devastating.I believe that if the society in Russian would pay to a greater extent financial supporter on prenuptial advocate in the church and orthogonal then the family institution would hasten grow stronger and that would lead the country to success be defecate the proveation of any country is the family institution. prenuptial instruction tests to benefactor soulfulnesss, gibes, and groups of couples to prepare for and seduce happy, fulfilling, Christ-honoring, and productive matrimonys. There are many ranges in prenuptial proposeing if it is done too- negociate uprighty and consistently by the rector. One of thes e take accounts is the satisfaction that it get hold ofs to him personally.One parson arse non spay this societal attitude by himself, only if from all(prenominal) one one tidy sum experience the inner reward of discerning he has done his part to change this pre¬vailing attitude. The value of antenuptial focussing are first of all to servicing the couple to approach marriage more(prenominal) than than realisti plowy because they are informed of only deuce things that they are in love, and they want to eliminate their lives together. A nonher value of pre married direction is that it affords separately checkmate a check misgiving of himself. A value of enceinte wideness is the cutledge that to to apiece one one accomplice gains of the other finished the centering process.The rector must jockstrap the companions to gain a greater hearing of the thought patterns of each other. A nonher mulish value of pre matrimonial hash out is that partners fire check up on the value of, and gain experience in the learning of converse. Finally, a great value of premarried talk over is that it helps persons to realistically determine if they are making the right choice regarding marriage. Reasons for premarried guidance Gary Collins outlines s flush basic principles of premarital counselling that I found accommodative in my context. These are: 1.Unrealistic Expectations That basis premise to Disillusionment. When they ap¬proach marriage, whitethornhap most people draw that they entertain unique descents. perchance these expectations are changing at one time that marriage failures are so much taken for granted. real much thither is impatience, insensitivity, self- decocted, attitudes, inadequate skill in relating, and great disappointment and disenchantment when ones expectations for marriage are non met quickly. antenuptial focal point lets couples express, deal, and realistically modify their expectations f or marriage. 2.Personal immaturity That Can Lead to Insensitivity. closely 92% marriages in Russian giveed because of pregnancy and this is the public thing nowadays. It is not surprising that ones attitudes and appearance within a marriage differ little from the characteristics that were brought to the relationship. If one or both(prenominal) of the participants are self-centered, hypercritical, impatient, competitive, or striving for officeâ€that is, immature†in advance marriage, these traits go forth set a strain on marital stability afterwards. peck who are irresponsible in advance marriage tend to be irresponsible after the wedding. prenuptial talk over should set or so to uncover and discuss the self-centered tendencies that put d profess strain on a marriage. The couple must be taught how to re light up differences, and they must coach both sensitivity and a testamentingingness to accept and meet each others call for. This involves giving unembe llishedly to ones mate just as Christ gave to us. 3. Changing Roles That Can Lead to Confusion. Confusion and conflict may conjoin when a man and woman each come to marriage with unclear roles and vague expectations some their own and each others responsibilities.Differing assumptions and batchs about who is supposed to do what net lead to tension unless the couple has learned to drop dead honestly, not defensively, and in loving way. Premarital counseling provides an opportunity for a couple to begin this type of communication. Together they butt joint learn to discuss their varied expectations and determine on orbital cavitys of responsibility. such role clearing must not ignore biblical trainings. According to Scrip¬ture, both the Christian conserve and wife must be alter with the Spirit: daily confessing sin, giving thanks, and praying for the sanctified Spirit to control each of their lives.There in want manner must be an attitude of coarse submission t o each other, but the more stringent requirements are laid on the husband. The husband and wife are equally valuable and equally of the essence(predicate) in the working of a good marriage, but they perish over different responsibilities. 5. Loosening cozy Standards That Can Lead to Immorality. Sex before marriage is not in the altogether and neither is it rare, unconstipatedtide out among Christians. But as a result of these more liberal attitudes, dating for many has become a time for exploring each others bodies and genitals instead of each others mind, noteings, beliefs, values, and expectations.Sexual standards are loosening and premarital sex, even among Christians, appears to be more preva¬lent. Nevertheless the sacred scripture still calls this immorality a infringement of Gods best for our lives. Issues like this should be discussed honestly, set about compassionately, and examined biblically. 6. Previous Experiences That Can Lead to Overconfidence. Books on premarital counseling oft assume that most couples are young, inexperienced, and entering their first marriage. This is not al shipway true. some potential difference drop brides and grooms turn out been previous(prenominal)ly married. virtually previously married people recognize the need for new-fangled adjustments and appreciate the help that domiciliate come from a sensitive proponent. More oftentimes, it depends, people approaching remarriage resist premarital counseling and assume that it is unnecessary and only for those who have had no prior marital experience. The counsellor rouse buoy challenge unrealistic attitudes, help the couple see potential worrys that even previously married people super king miss, and guide them to resolve issues that may have been unresolved following the previous marriage. 7. pot That Can Lead to Later Misery.When they come to marriage, some people bring what one counselling calls red-flag situations that need special exam an d evaluation. Some of these circumstances were mentioned as heartbreaking(predicate) bride, one or both participants on the rebound from a previous marriage or engagement, serious drug involvement, steamy hassles or psychological instability, serious mental or fleshly handicaps, no monetary security, contrasting cultural backgrounds or spiritual beliefs, wide flutters in education or age differences, and knowing each other for a precise short time. Many marriages do not survive.Premarital counseling should not be viewed as a severe procedure designed to snatch trusting couples from the grips of marital misery. approximately premarital counseling is done, not with pathological people, but with relatively healthy indi¬viduals who put up be helped to recruit and enrich a growing relationship. initialise It should be obvious that a exponent placenot accomplish all of these purposes in one brief interview. Most writers recommend that there be at to the lowest degre e fiver or six one-hour sessions prior to the wedding. This of business passel be demanding.It is easy for time pressures and counselee busyness to combine in win over the counselor that a briefer period of premarital counseling would suffice. Try to resist that temptation. There is much to be discussed if a marriage is to be built on a solid state foundation. The normal goals according to Hamilton, imply the following: (1) an understand¬ing of the meaning of marriage within the framework of biblical rectitude and Christian theology, (2) an understanding of the enigmas affecting marriage in con impermanent culture, and (3) an understanding of the Christian concept of the value of mankind disposition.As the parson deals with these abundant concepts he seeks to expand his counselees awareness of the splendor of marriage in the light of its biblical and historical roots, of the unique pressures creation brought upon marriage in our times, and of Christianitys view of the deserving of persons. only of these goals are of vital importance in building a endure philosophy of marriage.The specific goals, according to Hamilton, center in the following areas: (1) an understanding of each partners role-perception in the forth¬coming marriage, (2) an understanding of each partners role-expectation of the other, (3) an understanding of how each partner evaluates the strengths and weaknesses of the other, (4) an understanding of the potential strengths and weaknesses of the proposed marriage, and (5) a safeguardful examination of particular bothers likely to arise.The underlying, practical goal of all premarital counsel¬ing is 2fold: (1) to enable the partners to pre-solve some potential marriage problems before they arise; and (2) to give the partners knowledge of, and experience in, the art of com¬munication, which is so necessary in the building of a rich and rewarding relationship. The minister of religion who wishes to do a creditable antic of premari¬tal counseling should think in terms of at least three sessions: (1) one with the woman, (2) one with the man, and (3) one with both.In each of the individual sessions the pastor testament be engaging in four main functions: (1) listening, (2) question¬ing, (3) analyzing, and (4) teaching. hearing As in other types of counseling, the pastor needs to hear what is, and is not, being said. simply by careful listening can the pastor come to valid insights regarding the counselee’s real olfactory sensationings about his personal relationship with the proposed marriage partner. Questioning Skillful use of questions enables the pas¬tor to gather the type of data he needs to help persons prepare for marriage.Questioning will center in the two freehanded areas of facts and feelings. The area of facts will have to do with such(prenominal)(prenominal) cycloramas as how they met, how long they have known each other, how long they have dated, and when th ey plan to marry. The questioning should then shanghai to the deeper level of feelings. This area has to do with such matters as the counselee’s true feelings about the idea of marriage, the de¬mands of marriage, his perception of his partner as a marriage mate, and his own feelings regarding his ability to be a suit¬able marriage partner.The pastor should not fluctuate to question his counselees regarding their feelings about all(prenominal) aspect of the marriage relationship including such matters as where they will live and in what sort of d considerablying, how many children they want, where they will attend church, whether the wife will be em¬ployed outside the home (along with how long, how much, and what kind of work), how they will use their leisure time, where they will find their friends and how they will develop neighborly relationships, how each feels about the husbands job, and if either plans for further education.He should besides ex¬amine t heir attitudes toward in-laws, money, and sex. As the pastor probes the deeper levels of his parishioners feelings he gains the type and amount of information he needs as he pro¬ceeds to analysis. Analyzing After the data is sorted out and analyzed, the pastor is ready for a joint session (or sessions) with the partners. In most cases there will be some differences in how each partner perceives certain aspects of the early marriage. These are the areas that will need to be given special and care¬ful attention during the joint session.It is at this time that the two partners will need to be shown the importance of com¬munication. It will also provide a rich opportunity for them to begin to develop new and better ways of communicating their feelings to each other. Teaching Lastly, the pastor engages in the function of teaching. The amount and type of teaching that is to be done will be determined by what the pastor has observed in the individual counseling sessions. The bro ad areas covered in his teaching will popularly accommodate the Christian view of mar¬riage, the tatus of marriage in contemporary culture, the responsible use of sex, the basic differences in maleness and femaleness (most feel they understand the opposite sex but do not), and the art of communication. As a part of his teach¬ing function the pastor should be prepared to recommend and loan helpful books and articles in areas where the partners lack understanding. It is also all important(predicate) for the pastor to point out the value of a medical examination for the future bride, if not for both partners. Thorough work in premarital counseling may involve more than three counseling sessions, but that is the minimum.While this is both time-consuming and exhausting, it is less so than marriage counseling. If a pastor does his premarital counseling work well he may be salve himself, or some other pastor or counselor, from involvement in more extensive mar¬riage counselin g later on. Of greater significance, of course, is that premarital counseling helps couples to build the kind of relationships that are both solid and satisfying We have high incidences of divorce in the church in Russia curiously among young people because they are often pushed into early marriage by adolescent pregnancies.Such people do not have any opportunity for premarital counseling. The church often treat them with disdain and may not be readily impolite to give them some basic premarital counseling that would help sustain them when they get married. Part II: Marriage Counseling Marriage is not a very stable institution at least in the Western and Eastern worlds. In Russia the average duration of a marriage is only 5 years. More than a million couples are divorced every year. Many who stay together have marriages tolerable but not oddly happy.Even though happy marriages like these do exist and are doable, we live in a time when marital sorrowfulness is more putting surf ace and where many see divorce as a satisfied and ever-present fire escape should marital conflicts get too hot to handle. Marriage, the eonian union created by God, is treated more and more as a temporary arrangement of convenience. Marriage is one of the first topics discussed in the Bible. But what does the Bible interpret about marital problems and ways to help troubled mar¬riages? Almost zip fastener!It should be remembered that marital conflict often is a symptom of something deeper, such as selfishness, lack of love, unwillingness to forgive, anger, bitterness, communication problems, anxiety, sexual abuse, drunkenness, feelings of inferior¬ity, sin, and a deliberate rejection of Gods will. distributively of these can cause marital tension, each can be influenced by husband-wife conflict, and each is discussed in the Bible. The causes of marital problems Some common marital problems as found in Russian culture outline by Collins as follow: 1. defective Communicati on.In the professional literature, this probably is the most normally mentioned cause of marital discord. Citing James 4:1-3, psychologist Lawrence Crabb notes that communication problems inevitably result when people pursue self-centered goals, but sometimes problems also come because individuals have not learned how to communicate clearly and efficiently. Most of us would agree that occasional miscommunication mingled with spouses is inevitable. When miscommunication is more common than clear communication, however, the marriage begins to have serious problems.Poor communication tends to shroud more of the same. Try to remember that communication is a learned interaction. Even when it is not good, people can learn to counterbalance it better. 2. Underintegrated or Overintegrated Relationships, Getting close to another(prenominal) person is risky. We open ourselves to criticism and possible rejection when we let another person know us intimately, he become aware of our insecurit ies, or see our weaknesses. Since most of us have learned the value of fending for ourselves, it is not easy to trust another personâ€even when that other person is a marriage partner 3 social Tension.When two people marry, each comes to the marriage with approximately two or more decades of past experiences and ways of looking at life. Each has perspectives that are not divided by the other and sometimes, even when there is a sincere desire for compromise or synthesis, couples still has diffi¬culty resolving their differences. What happens if there is unwillingness to change, insensitivity to the other persons viewpoints, or a refusal to acknowledge the differences?Often there is tension that frequently centers on one of the following issues: Sex: At times most couples have sexual problems. These include lack of accu¬rate knowledge, unrealistic expectations, solicitude of not being able to perpetrate ade¬quately, differences in sexual drive, inhibiting attitudes abo ut sex, and insufficient opportunities for privacy. Roles: We live at a time when traditional male-female roles are being reeval¬uated. This often leads to conflict over what it authority to be a husband or wife. The society gives little guidance because opinions seem to be changing so rapidly.Inflexibility: When a man and woman marry, each brings a unique record to the marriage. sometimes these personality differences complement each other and choke into a mutually compatible relationship. Often marriages take on personalities of their own, each of which can have strengths and weak points. There can be difficulties, however, if one or both of the partners is rigid, unwilling to give, or strongly loathsome to change. Religion: The Bible warns of problems when a truster and an unbeliever try to live together in marriage.pleaders have observed tensions when a husband and wife differ from each other in their denominational preferences, degree of com¬mitment to spiritual thin gs, interest in religion, or expectations about the religious education of children. Sometimes these differences create tension in other areas such as choice of friends, views of ethics, whether and to whom appealing donations will be given, or the use of time on Sundays. Religion can be a binding, strengthening push in a marriage, but when a husband and wife have different viewpoints, religion can also be a destructive focus for marital tension.Values: What is really important in life? How should we spend our time and money? What are our goals? These questions stage business values. When a couple has akin(predicate) values, the marriage is often healthy and growing. When values are in con¬flict, however, the relationship may be one of tension, power struggles, and mutual criticism. Value conflicts are at the heart of many marital problems. Consider, for example, how some of the following value alternatives could create potential for conflict. Functions of the Marriage Counse lor The functions of the Marriage Counselor are: To hear the hurts that the counselees are feeling. In many cases these hurts have been intense, of long duration, and implicit to a third party. The reason that the counselor needs to hear the hurts is because the counselee feels his or her partner has not truly heard him or her. Attempts to be heard by his mate have been aborted, and this adds to his anxiety and frustration. When he feels that his counselor is getting his message and is feeling with him, he experiences the catharsis he needs in order to approach his problem more realistically. 2. To light up problems.Most persons who come for counsel are aware of symptoms but they do not understand what is producing those symptoms. Most people are so confused they do not know what their problem is until they visit a counselor. 3. To help in the understanding of roles. Most couples are confused of their roles. Be¬cause it is difficult for one to see the gap between his per¬cep tion of himself and his behavior, he feels that he is misunderstand if his mate points out this discrepancy to him. When both partners are thus criticizing each other, each feels mistreated and frustrated. . To fa¬cilitate communication. A communication problem happens when partners have unresolved conflict between them. The counselor helps deal with the conflicts then now they have free flow of communication. 5. To advertize change in perception and behavior. It is not enough for the counselor to hear hurts, clarify problems, aid in the understanding of roles, and aid in facilitating communication. He must help motivate the partners both to think themselves into a new way of behaving and to behave themselves into a new way of thinking.Moti¬vation is usually achieved, at least to a degree, when feelings have been ventilated, the problem is seen in clearer perspec¬tive, and communication lines have been assailable. Some marital problems in Russia are like an inflamed appe ndix, capable of killing but relatively simple to remove. Other problems will be of such abstruseness and virulence that the pastor will not be able to deal with them. This means that he will need to refer them to a professional counselor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. The pastor need not feel defeated by his inability to help such persons.If it is any comfort to him, he should be aware that some marital problems lie beyond the skill of even the best of professionals. Therefore, while he may be truly sorry that he is not able to help in some cases, he should not be embarrassed by this inability. Such failures should, however, kick upstairs him to continue his study of counseling so that his knowledge will expand and his skills will increase. Part III: Care and Counseling in Crises Situation A crisis happens all the time in all cultures cipher is exempted from crisis: big or small, reach or poor, educated or uneducated.A crisis is a part of our lives it is usually happen when person cannot solve the problems by himself. This is where agricultural service is required. A personal crisis develops in four stages: (1) the problem causes tension to the person. (2) Failure to respond to this need produce feelings of anxiety, confu¬sion, and guilt. (3) When this continues unsolved it develops into a crisis situation that may require external help. (4) If the problem is not resolved, the inner stress of unmet needs mounts until it reaches another thresholdâ€the breaking point. This is full blown crisis.Caplan in his book commandment of Preventive Psychiatry distinguishes two categories of crises developmental and Accidental: Developmental crises are normal in the sense that they happen as an integral part of all or many peoples growth. Among these are birth, weaning, toilet training, the oedipal conflict, going to school, adolescence, leaving home, completing school, entering a vocation, engagement, marriage adjustment (or the adjustment of singlehood), pregnancy, parenthood, the middle-age crisis, divergence of parents, menopause, retirement, death of spouse, death of friends, and eventually ones own dying.These stressful experiences are the occasions of crises for an individual to the extent that they pose problems for which her or his previous coping abilities are inadequate. Each developmental stage and crisis is the occasion for a sort of caring and counseling opportunities. Accidental crises can make pass at any age, precipitated by unexpected injuryes of what one regards as essential sources of need satisfaction.Precipitating experiences include all the life events listed on the Holmes-Rahe scale below, loss of status and respect; an accident or surgical operation; mental complaint or alcoholism; a physical handicap; an unwanted pregnancy; a inseparable disaster such as a flood or temblor; or a massive social calamity such as a war or economic depression. Crises can be triggered by seemingly haughty changes such as a job promotion or graduation from college. All these events produce emotionally hazardous situations. Crises happen in people rather than to them, but they tend to occur in high-stress, emotionally hazardous situations.A crisis is more than simply a time of danger, pain, and stress to be endured. It is important for the counselor to see that it is a bit point, a growth opportunity where persons move toward or away from greater personality strength and wholeness. This makes crisis counseling a strategic helping opportunity. In courtly Crisis Counseling overmuch of the counseling done by pastors takes place in versed settings without being called counseling. This is what happen most in my context. Pastors meet a need a attend to it this instant without insisting that the person concerned must book an appointment before beholding him to discuss the issue.Some occurs in the ministers office or home when people drop by for a chat, without an appointment. By allowing the sensitiviti es and skills of counseling to pervade their many in form-only(prenominal) and chance adopts, ministers can help many times the number of people they could reach through formal counseling alone. While it is important that pastors should have some private time for themselves and family, it also important to have parishioners know that their pastor ordinarily is available when severe crises strike unexpectedly.As ministers learn to recognize and utilize the pastoral care opportunities potentially present in many interpersonal contacts, this becomes a natural pastoral reflex. They discover frequent opportunities to do informal one-session crisis counseling during the ordinary encounters of parish life. now and then these will become formal and multiple-session counseling relationships. Informal counseling is informal in one or more of these ways †the setting may be anywhereâ€a street corner, a foodstuff store, a hospital room, the church lounge, a parishioners office or liv ing room, in meeting, etc.The counseling happens in the context of a relationship not identified as counselingâ€a chance encounter or a pastoral call, perhaps following a meeting or Sunday service. The persons mind-set reflects this informal atmosphere. He/she probably thinks of what occurs as â€Å"talking over a problem with the pastor” rather than counseling. The structure and sequence of formal counseling interviewsâ€appointments, stated time limits, and an agreed-upon series of sessionsâ€are usually lacking. Such brief informal counseling can be very helpful to some people.Informal crisis counseling opportunities occur frequently during a pastors home and hospital visits. Much of what is done during such calls is general pastoral care. It becomes a counseling issue when the counselee is aware of his /her problem and the pastor shows his willingness to help with the problem. The counselee is able to overcome his/her fear of disclosing the problem to another perso n with the hope that he/she is going to be helped in such action. Such confidence to disclose the problem does not normally come automatically. It comes with a lot of struggles.Such persons often are undecided to informal counseling long before they enter formal counseling. Some people have great difficulty making a formal appointment for counseling, even when wrestling with very painful problems. They feel that to do so would be to live with failure, which would increase their feelings of low self-esteem and powerlessness. This is wherefore the ability of pastors to go to people, make themselves emotionally available, offer help, and establish informal counseling relationships is a priceless professional plus, which should be used to the full!How can ministers create opportunities, during their pastoral contacts, for care-giving discourses, informal and formal counseling? First, they know or suspect that such and such is in particular need of pastoral careâ€the bereaved, th e sick, the unemployed, the depressed, the hospitalized, the disgruntled, those in psychotherapy, newlyweds, new parents, the recently retired, the invalid, alcoholics and their families, the lonely, those with disturbed or handicapped children, and those who face painful crises and perplexing decisions.An jovial pastor often senses intuitively that a certain family is under extreme pressure. Such â€Å"pastoral care suspects” should go on the Special Help List. By devoting superfluous pastoral visitation time to these persons, ministers can build strong relationship link with them. Such relationship can bring pastoral care and informal counseling help to the troubled, and also make it easier for them to seek formal counseling. The building of relationship bridge with those who are likely to need help but are not even motivated to seek it, are describe by Seward Hiltner as precounseling.The many interpersonal contacts of pastors contribute to this objective if people fee l they are warm, nonjudgmental, caring, competent, shockproof, not â€Å"too busy,” and humanâ€aware of their own humanity . Clinebell believes that, a pastors sensitivity to the subtle signs of distress is an asset in spotting potential counseling opportunities. Many ministers walk by on the other side of their parishioners Jericho Roads simply because they lack awareness. The pastors emotional radar antennas should be tuned to the wavelength of people in order to hoof up subtle cries for help and coded â€Å"mayday” signals.Clinebell highlights some basic typical distress signals that can help pastors understand people in need. These are: Embarrassment at the ministers call: A frantic attempt to play along the conversation on the surface, avoiding all depth encounters. Depression: including such symptoms as vigilance; loss of interest in ones usual pleasures; anxious agitation or heavy sluggishness; feelings of worthlessness, emptiness/meaninglessness or helples sness; a phony-fixed smile. Veiled aggression between spouses: sometimes hidden bottom of the inning saccharine-sweet surface behavior.Emotionally disturbed children: including those with behavior problems, (which often reflect hidden marital unhappiness). grass intoxication: particularly at foreign times. A radical change in usual behavior: including church attendance. unreasoning or frantically compulsive behavior. indictable avoidance of the pastor. Affiliating with extremist political or religious groups. When such distress signals are identified, pastors should make every effort to be emotionally accessible to the persons and to offer help in a way that prise their right to refuse it.A third way to open up informal and formal counseling opportunities is the judicious use of â€Å"openers”â€questions or statements designed to interrupt superficial conversation and provide an opening for people to discuss their real feelings and issues if they choose. Here are som e samples: â€Å"How are things going for you in this difficult situation? ” â€Å"What youre saying feels very heavy. ” â€Å"How are things going with you really? ” â€Å"You seem to be feeling very discouraged (upset, angry, remorseful). ” â€Å"I get the feeling you have a burden on your mind. Although such openers may startle people initially, they express the pastors concern and by implication, offer help. A felicitous question, asked with warmth and empathy, can help free people to talk about their burdens. A question about ones spiritual health is as appropriate from a minister as is a question about ones physical health from a family doctor. ending awkward Care and Counseling ministry is the most important ministry next to the ministry of preaching of the gospel singing. People who are hurting they are not be able to listen the Gospel without a healing balm of their wounds.Only Pastors are caring such methods of healing. The Gospel itself ad dresses to congeries of man: spiritual and body. When one part is addressed to the negligence to the other the be needs of man will not be made. Pastors who are sensitive to the hurts of members of their conference and unable to address such hurts through the appropriate counseling technique are more likely to be successful in ministry then those who neglect these needs. The course Pastoral Care and Counseling has opened my understanding to these needs in our congregation. I got more focused in this area of ministry.And I wish to pursue it in the future. Bibliography: Benner, David. Strategic Pastoral counseling. Michigan: baker Book House,1998; Barister C. W . Pastoral care in the church. San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 1992; Cavanagh, John. Fundamental Pastoral Counseling. Ireland: The mergier press, 1963; Cobb, John. Theology and Pastoral Care. Philadelphia: Fortress, 1979; Collins, Gary. Christian Counseling . Dallas: Word Publishing, 1988; Clinebell Haward. Basic Types of Pastoral care and Counseling. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1992; Hamilton, James. The ministry of Pastoral Counseling. Michigan: baker Book House 1975.\r\n'